When Reality Rudely Interrupts your Perfect Little World
Perfect world?
What even IS a perfect world? What does it look like, smell like, feel like?
I'm sure for many of us, our "perfect worlds" look about the same. In our perfect little world, everything always works out for the best. There's very little discord and strife. We are loved by one and all, and those who may not love us, well, we can justify why that's their problem and not ours... as not to ruin our perfect little world.
In our delusions of perfection, our families are all happy... mostly... and are in good health. Thankful for our blessings, with radiant joyful faces. The house, of course, not only smells like a breath of fresh air but looks clean and well put together.
Doesn't that sound lovely? Unfortunately, all of these unrealistic attempts to a perfect life make it pretty hard on the psyche when "THE REAL WORLD" comes crashing in around us.
And boy! Do I have a whopper of a "for instance" for you!!
The other day, (umm, that would be yesterday... to be exact...) I was doing all I could to orchestrate a perfect Saturday with my husband. It was going to be just me and him for the day, and after having just survived a SUPER busy holiday season, I was ready to enjoy a quiet day at home. (Trying to make it a PERFECT holiday season just about killed me.)
First of all, my husband wasn't adoring me like I thought he aught to be. I mean, if you're going to bother to dream up a perfect Saturday at home, having your husband look adoringly at you most of the day shouldn't be that much to ask for, right? (I promise I jest!! But let's keep looking into my unrealistic dream world, shall we.) He had the audacity to interrupt my perfect day with talk of money and paying bills, doing very realistic things like fretting over DOT stuff (He drives a truck for a living.) Okay, not a problem, we've got all day to enjoy our perfect little domain.
Not so!!! After leaving my dream to do mundane things like shop for boring organizational bins, one of my children texted and asked us to come over and help install a gift we had made for them for Christmas. Ok, not a problem. This might actually get my plan for a perfect day back on track. Because you see, as I had spent weeks measuring and cutting and gluing and nailing and sanding, staining, even TILING said gift... I had also been dreaming up the perfect scenario of us coming over to help them put it in. We were going to be laughing and smiling and squealing from how cute it looked in their house. Nope. Not so. In the yucky world of reality, this child was moody and sassy and had apparently forgotten their role to play in my perfect storyline. I should have brought a script. (LOL) I wondered if they even remembered that we were doing them a favor by installing this PRECIOUS gift!! SIGH!!!! So another dreamy scenario trampled by reality.
THEN, later that day after getting home and trying to settle into a little perfect-Saturday-evening-with-my-honey time, with a movie and snuggles, my husband came down with a terrible stomach bug. Well that ZAPPED the rest of my perfect expectations to smithereens. Sigh. Moving on...
By SUNDAY MORNING, after a restless night of tossing and turning and battling mean thoughts in my head, I woke up in a mood. Not necessarily a bad mood, more like an uncooperative one. I'd given up on trying to have a bright and sunny disposition which every perfect-world dream requires, right? (Rolling my eyes at myself!) We did make it to church... late for Sunday school, but we were there. We hadn't been seated two minutes before I realized that I had left some books that were going on sale that day for book club, at HOME!!! So off I dashed, a 20 minute trip back home and a 20 minute trip back to church. Sigh! SIGH!!!! (Thankfully the perfect plan of not getting a ticket as I sped home did come to fruition.)
Church did help, as it always does, and I was ready to restore our perfect little Sunday. But I be DOGGONED (Perfect word usage here!! You'll see why in a minute.) if I didn't hop on Facebook, as we drove BACK home... again, to see a post that turned my perfect little plan of salvaging our perfect little day on its ear. Again!! Someone was asking advice about what to do about "neighborhood dogs" aka. my four dogs, stinking up their yard and pooping on their bushes and in their garden beds. Sigh! SSIIGGHHH!! My not so perfect little family and our absolutely imperfect canine beasts were completely at fault. The poster... person who posted?... kindly didn't mention names, but we knew. (SIDE NOTE: I promise I didn't realize the dogs were doing bad things to their yard or I'd never let them run free for a few minutes each morning. That mistake will be corrected immediately.)
So my perfect little American-dream life was once again thrust further out of my control. The rose colored glasses were tossed and now everything looked rotten. As we pulled into our driveway and I looked at the house that I love dearly and work so hard to make perfect, all of the sudden it looked so subpar. Every imperfection stared brazenly back at me. My perfect dream bubble had pooped... I mean POPPED, despite all my best efforts and I could no longer cover up the imperfections in my world.
Now I'm left with the very real feeling of failure. I'm a bad neighbor, a bad dog momma, a bad human momma (I mean if I can't even bring joy to my own kids, what kind of momma am I then). And since my husband doesn't adore me 24/7 then I guess that makes me a bad wife, too.
What is this ridiculous dream called perfection, anyway?!
Maybe you read this and you think, this woman is psycho!! Maybe you're right. Maybe your dreams of a perfect life comes with the realities of dirty laundry, dirty looks and dirty houses. If that's the case then you need to thank God right now for letting you live in reality 24/7, but I'd be willing to wager that most of us live most of our lives striving for perfection. Getting that dirty laundry out of the way before it looks like we actually wear our clothes! Ignoring the dirty looks from neighbors who hate our dogs. Keeping the house clean so it looks like a DREAM HOME off of HGtv!! And when if falls through our fingers, when we don't have the right answers, when we can't make it all better or everybody happy, our little worlds go a little caddywhompus on us. Okay, a LOT.
Sadly, it wasn't until today that I realized that I strive for this myth called perfection vehemently. I realize now, that when my mood is at its worst is when my bubble gets popped with a good dose of reality. Thankfully, the Good Lord put me in imperfect situation after imperfect situation until I finally saw what he'd so lovingly been trying to show me for sometime!!!
"Christy, you don't live in reality. Christy you are chasing after a fable. Christy let me show you a few things about this apparition called perfection that you've conjure up in your mind."
My mind is taken back to that post I had just seen this very morning...
"The pursuit of perfection leads to pretending. Pretending encourages others to chase perfection. And it's just all so very exhausting. (AMEN!!!) Let's give each other the gift of transparency and grace as we pursue Jesus. Because perfection doesn't exist this side of eternity." -Lysa Terkurt
OUCH!!!!!
Then as I sat to read from one of the earlier mentioned books for book club, things kept slapping me in the face!
"We're suppose to go to college, get a degree, keep dating the same person, get married, have three kids, buy a house and a mini van and call it good. It's the American Dream. Except who decided the dream was one size fits all?" -The Church of the Small Things by Melanie Shankle
I LOVE THAT!! When I read that, it all came flooding back to me like a tsunami.
Hello. My name is Christy. And I'm an unrealistic perfectionist striver. (That's one of them made up words. :D )
NOW don't get me wrong. I know I am nowhere NEAR perfect, nor is my house, my husband, my marriage, my children or my dogs!! But I spend too much time trying to orchestrate it all instead of appreciating the small imperfect moments around me, and realizing their worth and value.
SIGH!! Another day, another lesson learned.
Thank you, Lord, for never giving up on me. For loving me in spite of all my imperfections. Lord, teach me to live in reality; always hoping for the best, but realizing that "perfection isn't attainable this side of eternity." And as you also showed me this weekend in another Facebook post (You truly do work in mysterious ways),
"Failure is infused with lessons. It can open our eyes to mercy, forgiveness, grace, courage and the refining quality of humility. Let us not sit and soak in failure. We serve a God of resurrection. He knows what to do with our mess.
-Patsy Clairmont
...remind me daily Lord, that it's those imperfections and failures where you teach us. So therefore, in a perfect world here on earth, imperfection is required. As gold is refined, continue to scrape off the imperfections in me.
Oh how my soul does long for the day that I will stand before you in YOUR perfection.
In your most magnificent name I do ask all these things,
Amen.
